"He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world… no one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again."
-(via ezkibel)goodbye
My god Madison, I know there’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind. Just know that here, someone will miss you. A lot of people will miss you. I will miss you. I won’t go against what you want, because I know in how much pain you are and how much you’re suffering right now. I’m praying for you lovely.xo
THIS PERSON IS GOING TO KILL THEMSELVES. IF YOU KNOW HER OR A FAMILY MEMBER, CONTACT THEM IMMEDIATELY. IF YOU HAVE HER MOBILE NUMBER CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY AND GIVE THEM HER NUMBER AND CONTACT DETAILS. DO IT IMMEDIATELY.
"so if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i’ll be your friend."
-Loose lips by Kimya Dawson
I’m really disgusted right now
A certain “tumblr famous” person is saying that Olivia (bulimickittens) killed herself for attention…to get more followers on tumblr. Now this is both a fucking disgusting thing to say and a highly insensitive thing to say…especially when this person runs a suicide support blog here on tumblr as well. I am fucking floored by this.
Olivia had been unwell for a long, long time. She was depressed for a long, long time. She had an eating disorder. Are you aware that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness? Are you aware that some suicides get more publicity not because that (dead) person wanted attention but because of the manner of that person’s suicide or the things surrounding her suicide. Olivia had a blog and nobody who was reading that blog alerted any of her friends or family members who could have helped Olivia. Either they couldn’t contact the necessary people or they just didn’t do it for one reason or another.
Olivia had a pretty large following on tumblr, a lot of people cared about her, a lot of people were aware she was a risk to herself and while some people sent support, some people sent hate. The hate, i’ve no doubt, contributed to her suicide. I’ve also no doubt the fact Olivia’s parents got onto her tumblr contributed to the media coverage. Bullying has been in the news a lot in the past 12 months so doesn’t it make sense that Olivia’s death got coverage? She was a young woman with several mental illnesses, with a blog that had post after post of her pain, proof of online bullying…OF COURSE this got coverage! Her parents talked about her life and death which takes a lot of bravery, they got people talking about suicide. Something you should also be aware of is when almost anybody on tumblr kill themselves, tumblr goes into over drive about it and hundreds, even thousands of people find out about it. This has ALWAYS happened here.
If Olivia had attempted suicide just to “get attention” or to “gain tumblr followers” SHE WOULDN’T HAVE ACTUALLY KILLED HERSELF. She may have taken overdoses, but she wouldn’t have taken enough to kill herself because after all, nobody can follow the blog of a fucking dead girl. Nobody can read about her drug overdose if she is dead. And even if she had killed herself for the attention, you have to be pretty mentally ill in order to do that, you have to be pretty depressed and desperate. Doesn’t that tell you, oh internet famous arsehole, that she WAS unwell? That she WAS struggling? You post pictures of people with fresh self harm cuts, how can you justify those people posting those self injuries and then call Olivia nothing more than an attention seeker? How the fuck does that make sense?!
ANYBODY who self harms, ANYBODY who has a mental illness, fucking ANYBODY alive who feels so desperate as to attempt suicide or successfully kill themselves is sick. It doesn’t matter what their illness is or their life situation is, if they are so desperate as to attempt suicide they are unwell and need help immediately. You in all your disgust, according to your logic (or lack thereof), anybody who runs a fucking blog and attempts suicide must just be wanting attention.
You really need to think before speak. You really need to see that the things you are writing are toxic and painful not just to your followers who knew nothing of Olivia but also to who did know Olivia. You really need to see that when ANY PERSON attempts suicide, they must be depressed or in some form of mental hell. For a person who runs a suicide support blog, you sure are idiotic and insensitive.
I need someone, a person to talk to someone who’d care to love, could it be you? Could it be you? Situation gets rough then i start to panic, it’s not a enough, it’s just a habit, hey kid you’re sick…well darling this is it.
(Source: melliflu0us)
The hit
I just watched the last episode of season one of The Vampire Diaries and fuck. The way Jeremy took the over dose. When i tried to kill myself last time in August last year i remember after i had finished having panic attacks over PTSD flashbacks, i was sobbing, i got up, i had decided that this was it, i wrote a few suicide notes, got out my seroquel and water, i took the pills slowly at first and then desperately, throwing them all down. I then turned on the movie Pan’s Labyrinth and laid down on the lounge hugging my pillow crying. I think is sent a few people a text message saying “I love you” and that was it. That was going to be the end. And even though Jeremy has taken the overdose intending to die and come back, i recognise the way he’s come about to that decision. I recognise there is still that pain he is trying to kill. I recognise that right now i don’t hate who i am i hate how i am. I feel empty and like everything is bad and i recognise that urge to end it all.
She is threatening suicide.
Her name is Jackie, and I’ve talked to her a lot on tumblr. She’s really kind but she’s going through hell. She’s talking about dying and killing herself. Please, if you know her or live in her area (Phoenix, Arizona - correct me if I’m wrong) call for help!
(Source: hookerae)
http://our-angel-olivia.tumblr.com/
This is a blog dedicated to Olivia Penpraze. It is also a place to share your stories, express your problems and hopefully seek advice.
Please, at least take the time to look at it.
We don’t need to lose any more people to mental illness or bullying.
x
(Source: bonjour-bianca)
Olivia: Teen’s chilling video message
For those who don’t know, Olivia who ran the blog bulimickittens committed suicide last week (3.4.2012) this is a small video about Olivia, online bullying and a small interview with her parents. Rest in peace Olivia, you are loved by many.
If you are needing help or support in dealing with this death or are feeling suicidal yourself, please contact a helpline or go straight to your closest ER. If you are experiencing online bullying, especially by anonymous messaging, please turn off anonymous messaging immediately. Love yourself, support yourself.
I’m in Sydney and deaths
Just got to my hotel room, it is rather nice, soft queen size bed, internet access. I’m right in the city, will go for a walk later to find myself some dinner.
On the train ride here i did get confirmation that Olivia did kill herself. You can find a copy of her obituary here and here Mum called me while i was on the train, had a cry about it and the high possibility that Lily is also dead. In the past 12 months, there have been 4 suicides from people i either spoke to online or knew personally…3 had an eating disorder, one was a drug addict and hearing voices. All were under the age of 25. Once i’ve processed this properly you can expect a bigger post.
Admitting secrets
Was on the phone with mum and i told her, the first time she went to Holland for work for two weeks when i was 13-14 years old, when she told us she was going over that i seriously considered killing myself. Mum was quiet on the phone and then said “Oh my love…I had no idea…Why?” I said “Because i knew if you weren’t there and Craig attacked me nobody would be there to stop him. And i was terrified.” I told mum i never blamed her for anything with Craig because whenever she was there she always stopped him from hurting me or attacking me. Mum said she still thinks she could have done more but i really don’t believe that would have been possible. I love my mum, she is a fantastic caring woman and she always stepped in when Craig attacked me either verbally or physically.
Slowly i am telling mum more about what has happened with me growing up, the instances of abuse and violence, bullying stuff and my history of self harming and depression…I am connecting to my past more. Like i use to have a lot of PTSD flashbacks and in those moments i could feel everything and it would be really intense and horrifying and i could never handle it and then every other time i wouldn’t connect to it at all…so either way, trauma therapy was pointless. You can’t do trauma therapy if you are in crisis or if you are incapable of connecting to past events. I can now talk about things that have happened and i can feel them but i don’t go into crisis over it. I am quite nervous about restarting trauma therapy later this month though…i am afraid that i won’t be able to handle it and i’ll regress back to self destruction but i think if i can get regular exercise (as safe levels), i will be okay and i will be able to handle the pressure of trauma therapy. I have to be careful though, got to be safe.
